10:32 AM Friday, October 23, 2020 (PDT) Time in Buellton, CA

Key of Resolution : The Quiet Power

Key of Resolution : The Quiet Power

I pray that I may believe in the Unseen. I pray that I may be convinced by the results of the Unseen, which I do see.

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I am foggy, a little overcast in my mind. I hear Seth's shower running, and the washer running too - I wonder if it compromised the water pressure in Seth's shower. I see Obeetoe in the front yard, carefully exploring. Tiptoeing around on the grass and smelling the bushes as he slowly creeps around. I am feeling a throbbing ankle and Im also feeling good about it. I pretend I am on top of everything, I am not. I feel happy. Content. Peaceful and relaxed. I touch the half packed moving boxes throughout the day and yet the seemingly remain, like statues and reminders that the move is unfinished, even though I feel finished. I worry about my ankle, even though I know it will be fine, I worry that it will take all weekend to heal and I will miss out on trips to the beach, ranch, Santa Barbara, and things that I really want to to do! I am worrying too much, I am too far ahead of myself. I understand I am just another weird person, thinking and doing weird things while I float around on a rock flying though space. I dream of the future, the immediate future, this weekend, I want to play! I try to stay in the moment, and be grounded with what I am doing. I am painfully excited.

Today I will be in the home office with Seth, per the usual. Although I was able to sleep in today - thank you Lisa! It felt good to get that extra sleep. Yesterday I was Working in the office with Seth. We had a good day. Lisa was home with us and made us sandwiches while we did the noon meeting. She did a lot around the house which I am grateful for. It was a little moody here and there but over all it was a really great day, there wasn't any fighting or anything. After work I went over the Jeanne's place and met with her and Rachael to talk about Charles and the things he wants done to the place. It was a good visit and we talked about alot of other things too. I realize now, that that was the first time since I have moved here that the three of of all sat down together and were able to talk amongst ourselves. It was very nice. I was tired though. Then, Lisa, Seth and I went to the church where I promptly started to skate board on the half-pipe. After some standing around, I dropped in, made one transition and fell. I hurt my wrist and ankle, mostly my ankle. Its throbbing as I speak, and it makes me even more grateful for Lisa letting me sleep in. In the evening, Troy came over and Seth grilled care asada burritos which were absolutely fabulous. We sat on the back patio and visited and ate, then it was Troy's introduction to Modern Warfare, which was fun but I think we were all getting tired and wanted some time to ourselves, so, at about 9pm he left and we ate ice-cream and watched "Fortitude" until I just had to go to bed.... I was so tired. Lisa being home while Seth and I are in the office is going well and my ankle and ability fall as a 45 year old man could use some attention. The most memorable thing about yesterday was probably being at the church, meeting some new people and skateboarding on the ramp. I don't think anyone wanted to push ourselves to go, but we did, and it made for a nice little outing in the evening. I've been thinking allot about our little family, and how this move has really brought us together, I think its done worlds of good for Seth, myself, and Lisa. I feel a closeness that wasn't there before, a new chapter in our lives that perhaps we all wanted more than we knew. It just feels tighter and more uplifted between the three of us, and I like looking at it and considering it thoughtfully.

Something I could do for Lisa is to give her some time today to nap, or just listen with my full attention.
Something nice Seth would appreciate is getting out to the ranch this weekend so he can just be a kid. Throw rocks, break sticks, do whatever.
Something Jeanne would appreciate is A nice dinner, her treat apparently!
and something Rachael would like is a little planned outing, maybe in Santa Barbara.

I am grateful for Lisa, and her supportive presence.
I am grateful for Seths calm productive demeanor.
I am grateful for this house we get to call home.

23. “I’ve always been too busy to…”

Write a book. The Superculture. Too busy to sew new inventions, book covers and to take long days of quiet meditation. I have always been to busy to really connect and develop a closeness with Jeff, that I really want. I have that opportunity now.

Did I work toward my goals yesterday?
Yes, I got good work done, got a meeting done, and the tutoring role I have with Seth went well.

What bad habits do I need to stop?
Vaping. Im getting tired of pointing it out everyday, so lets put that down soon.

What motivated me yesterday?
Finances, the morning meditation, and a simple desire to do good for those around me.

Have I been the kind of person I want to be?
I believe I have, I wish I was more funny, that I could really make Lisa and Seth laugh hard, allot.

What mistakes did I make yesterday, and what can I learn from them?
Perhaps dropping in on that ramp was a mistake. I could have just rolled on the transition and gotten a feel for it, and having done that for a few Thursday evenings, worked up to dropping in. I learned that I don't have to show off in a hurry, it doesn't make me look good.

Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
Nope, I dont think so, I would still like to do some column work though, its always a good practice but there isn't any thing weighing on me.

What matters most in my life?
Sobriety, family and the peace I have within.

Have I done anything lately worth remembering?
Yeah. Dripping in on that ramp. I will be remembering that for the next few days.

Did I made someone smile yesterday?
Yes, I think I made Lisa and Seth and Rachael and Jeanne smile yesterday. I cant quite place the moment, but I can generally place the situations.

When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
I didn't want to go to the church, and I wanted to hide from that damn ramp. But, I did both, in an effort to show Seth, that I too, have to push myself outside of my own comfort zone.

What do I need to change about myself?
Vaping and eating late at night. As usual.

What do I want most in life?
Financial independence and a quiet, clear, trusted, conscience.

What is life calling of me?
The noon meeting and Tea! I woke up so late I cant believe its almost time for that already!

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