7:53 AM Thursday, October 29, 2020 (PDT) Time in Buellton, CA

Key of Resolution - The Source Of Nourishment

EVERYBODY HAS TALENT, BUT ABILITY TAKES HARD WORK.

I pray that I may so live that others will see in me something of the working out of the will of God. I pray that my life may be a demonstration of what the grace of God can do.


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I am well. Rested and clean from this mornings meditation. Which I have to admit, I wasn't super excited that Lisa stepped in as she was getting off of work, but it worked. I was able to go deep and she was quiet, and doing her own thing in a peaceful and reverent manner. It was good, I still like the time alone so I am less self conscious, but it did work and it was nice to have her there beside me. I hear the steady rhythm of the keys and my thermal-ball jacket slipping and rustling a little here and there. I see the warm glow of red Philips hue lights. I am contented and reverent. I pretend to be someone I am not, when I am afraid to show those close to me what I am really going through. I feel the rich, strong coffee coursing through my veins and bubbling up into my rising thoughts. I touch the ceramic coffee cup as if I were a bomb technician defusing a certain foreseeable travesty. I worry money. I worry about my ability to provide it fairly within our family dynamic. I worry that I will be burdensome and a source of resentment for Lisa. I am doing just fine though, and faith works. I understand good things take hard work and time to develop. I dream of flying the drone on sunset beaches more and more. I try to reserve some gumption for the work day and not expel it all journaling and meditating. I am happy the weekend is almost here!

Today I will be Working from home per the usual. Seth is up, and I just did my first morning meditation, in the room attached to the garage with Lisa, it has now become a dedicated meditation room and its really quite fantastic. Time spent in there will be time well spent and a quality of time that will strengthen and enliven the roots of our lives. Now to deal with the garage, and all the boxes in it, and get a nice little home improvement and crafting situation going. Yesterday I was working from home, although I didn't get too much done. I did get headway on some important things done but then I went out to the Hospital with Lisa to return some keys, then to the vape store to get a new vape. We went to Albertsons and grabbed some matcha tea and some lunch to make at home, I got some packing tape at CVS and we headed home. Seth was disappointed with the tea, so I grabbed Lisa and we headed back to Solvang and I showed her the tea he really wanted, we got that, and a cool book for Lisa to study at work. Then we cam home and I took a little nap, after that we all loaded up and headed back into Solvang and met with Owen, we helped him move some chairs and a book shelf, visited with his family a little bit and met his mother who is 95 and still climbing flights of stairs! Once we were done there, Lisa, Seth and I headed to the farmers market, we browsed until we cam e across a Danish bakery I haven't been too in years. We promptly ordered a bunch of stuff and ate it in the street and a cozy little table. Then we continued walking and went to a beef jerky store, and then to the book store, which was really very nice. We looked all over for books and found some really cool reads up stairs in the used book section. After that, we went into an incredible antique shop, which was really quite breathtaking. We admired a clock that's meant for sailing and heard a live music player that sounded heavenly. Lisa and Seth really enjoyed that as well. After that, we drove down to the park, walked around and sat at a table where we started "Just the Black Print" meeting and admired the sunset and the incredible moon. Then, we went home and I set up the meditation room, we played poker out back and then, having reviewed all of Dante's levels of inferno, went to bed. What a great day, really, a full, rich supportive and overall peaceful and serene day. family and the cats going outside is going well and my income level could use some attention. The most memorable thing about yesterday was perhaps the antique shop, although sitting in the meditation room, once it was set up, was really quite nice as well. I played a little game with Seth to see if he could find us and discover the room instead of just telling him, and I think that made it kind of cool. I think we all really like that room. I've been thinking allot about our interactions as a family, yesterday Lisa did something new and approached me in a very supportive manner while I was feeling disenchanted and it meant allot to me. She was listening, and she wanted to not only give back but also uplift me. I've been thinking about this, that we are all constantly apologizing to each other and afraid to let our immediate feelings be felt around each other because it might be upsetting to others. I've been trying to do it, to let my family members feel and go through whatever it is that they are going through without impeding that, but to also standby in a supportive and thoughtful manner. Its not easy sometimes, it is easy however to react instead of respond and just make the matter worse, in turn the person just shuts down, and says, "Im sorry" So, anyways, that's something I have been thinking about. Lisa impressed me.

Something I could do for Lisa is that fancy dinner, we need to do it. We would both enjoy it.
Something nice Seth would appreciate is A day on the weekend to be wild on the ranch.
Something Jeanne would appreciate is Thoughtful consideration of her place while she is away.
and something Rachael would like is for us to include Shannon, allot more, like, daily.

I am grateful for Lisa joinging me and being so supportive in emotions and in meditation.
I am grateful for Seth, not wanting to watch TV last night, and instead all of us interacting together.
I am grateful for the warmth and comfort of this home.


29. Write solutions to problems.

23,859.56 / 868.23 = 27.48.69060041694. Also, a solution to a lot of other problems is to get out of the way and support a natural and organic remedy that comes without interruption. Typically, those are the solutions that I look back on and think, "I couldn't have planned that better if I tried with everything I've got."


Did I work toward my goals yesterday?
Yes, though I let myself get somewhat distracted from my client endeavors, I feel I was on track, and kind of in Gods will, though I don't like to assume that, nor do I like to self proclaim that that is what I am doing.

What bad habits do I need to stop?
vaping and eating at night, getting to bed a bit earlier. Though, last night I went to bed and had 7.5 hours to sleep and woke up feeling quite refreshed. Perhaps that had something to do with Lisa, and not the amount of time.

What motivated me yesterday?
Family, family and being of service for Owen.

Have I been the kind of person I want to be?
Yes, I struggle, but yes. I notice it here more than I did in the desert, because here we are doing so much more and interacting much, much more.

What mistakes did I make yesterday, and what can I learn from them?
I don't think I made any big mistakes yesterday that stand out. I was called on to share during the Black Print meeting and could have let Lisa know, that if I was called on, to simply pass on my behalf. I felt embarrassed that my homegroup heard that I was moving boxes and didn't want to share.

Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
Yes. This mornings coffee.

What matters most in my life?
Sobriety, and relationships. I like affirming this. I will keep this question.

Have I done anything lately worth remembering?
I will maybe change this question, although yesterday may not be one that goes in the books for all time memorable days, it was a day that really set a tone for our new lives here, and we will remember that tone.

Did I made someone smile yesterday?
Lisa, I think I made her smile when we got Seth that tea. Maybe when we got Danish pastries and visited the antique shop too. I heard her proclaim several time, "I LOVE IT HERE, I LOVE IT HERE" She even went so far as to say, "If we ever get divorced, I am not leaving this area, so, that's just too bad for you."

When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
Yesterday a little, the social interaction with Owen and meeting his family made me a little uncomfortable and I was pushing myself to do it with a good attitude.

What do I need to change about myself?
I could change this question, because its the same answer over and over. Vape. Food at night.

What do I want most in life?
Just more of the same please, keep it coming. Thank you!

What is life calling of me?
That meditation room, I want to crawl back in there and see how deep and how far I can go in the grace of peace and serenity.

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