8:09 AM Wednesday, October 21, 2020 (PDT) Time in Buellton, CA

Key of Resolution : The Principle Of Movement


I pray that I may let God's spirit come into my heart. I pray that it may fill me with an abiding peace.

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I am well, meditated and relaxed. I hear Seth breathing. I see him out of the corner of my right eye. I am at peace. I pretend to be more relaxed than I may really be. I feel hopeful. I touch sincerity of being throughout my days. I worry about my health. I am grateful. I understand that things don't always happen the way I want them too, and that, isn't easy for me to accept. I dream of deeper intimacy with Lisa. I try to foster it. I am grateful to have the life I have today.

Today I will be working in the office with Seth by my side. Hopefully getting client work done, and getting more clients along the way. Yesterday I was here, in the office as well - it was a great day. Seth and I did our thing, had a noon 12x12 book study with tea, visited Jeanne, visited Jeff out at the racnh, and then Seth made Lisa, Jeff, and I tri tip out on the back patio - absolutely wonderful evening. The family being together and being in a good mood is going well and eating at night and the vape issue could use some attention. The most memorable thing about yesterday was having a late dinner on our back patio with Jeff. The tri tip took longer than we wanted and it was my fault for asking Seth to wait until people arrived before he started cooking it. Jeff showed up and we all visited for a long time and ate. It was just nice - Stan Getz playing throughout the house - good company and just a sweet sweet feeling. I've been thinking allot about work, I am getting behind and still need more clients.

Something I could do for Lisa is give her my full attention when she gets home.
Something nice Seth would appreciate is doing something he wants to do this afternoon.
Something Jeanne would appreciate is some time together, just the two of us.
and something Rachael would like is time together.

I am grateful for family who are my dearest friends.
I am grateful for friends who are my dearest family.
I am grateful for the food and the joy of living.

21. Answer a question: What was your first apartment like?

My first apartment was in Santa Cruz. I moved there after high school. It was medium sized for a first place, and had a nice view. It was up on a hill in Soquel. I lived underneath a house, and got a pretty punk roomate. I dont remember his name but he deserves an amends - I hardly ever left the house, except to get weed which I did everyday on the street. I mostly sat in my room, got stoned, and played my guitar. I was really really living in fear and quite depressed - although it wasent all bad. I knew some people from high school that went to collage of the redwoods and Leah was nearby. Its interesting to think about.

Did I work toward my goals yesterday?
I could have done better to put in more client oriented work, though yes, I met with Rachael and did work towards my goals.

What bad habits do I need to stop?
I need to stop vaping, maybe get the niccorette gum. And, I need to not eat badly at night like we did last night.

What motivated me yesterday?
some motivation came from work, some from personal drive, some from my morning meditations - which are going quite nicely I might add.

Have I been the kind of person I want to be?
Yes, I believe so. Sometimes I get too weird around Seth, to youthful and a little crazy / weird and I should tone that down.

What mistakes did I make yesterday, and what can I learn from them?
I agreed to eat chocolate sandwiches late at night with the family, I learned that..... I have very little power or control over myself when it comes to that situation.

Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
I don't think so, although its likely. Perhaps some small past resentments with Lisa or family. I could do some column work just to stay clean.

What matters most in my life?
Family and supporting them. My recovery. Peace.

Have I done anything lately worth remembering?
That time out on the patio last night was nice - maybe not super memorable, but worth remembering.

Did I made someone smile yesterday?
Seth. I bet I made him smile when we were driving to and from the ranch.

When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
I called Ryan Tossunaght yesterday. He didn't answer but it was uncomfortable to call.

What do I need to change about myself?
Habits. Eating and vaping habits.

What do I want most in life?
Freedom. Continued personal freedom and financial independence.

What is life calling of me?

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