9:47 AM Sunday, October 18, 2020 (PDT) Time in Buellton, CA

Key of Resolution : Designed To Purify


I pray that I may be truly humble and yet have self-respect. I pray that I may see the good in myself as well as the bad.

  Today I will be less emotionally dramatic I hope. Yesterday I was a pretty good day until I lost it in Santa Barbara when Everyone else wanted to go home and watch TV. Coffee is going well and my diet could use some attention. The most memorable thing about yesterday was drinking turkish tea on the streets of Santa Barbara after and afternoon swimming in the pacific ocean. I've been thinking allot about how my program needs revamping since I have moved here.

Something I could do for Lisa is to give her space to be herself, and support that.
Something nice Seth would appreciate is some time at the house alone.
Something Jeanne would appreciate is time together.
and something Rachael would like is time together.

I am rested, meditated and ready for the day. I hear Lisa calling for the cats and Seth on his phone. I see things just a little differently. I am at peace. I pretend to have the only correct answers. I feel humble. I touch the great unknown. I worry about what I don't understand. I am more on edge than I care to acknowledge. I understand that I am just another person. I dream of being special somehow. I try to rise above the small things that can seem so big. I am almost ready to go into my day. I am grateful for this mornings meditation.
I am grateful for the hot consistent coffee.
I am grateful for this solitary moment of simplicity.

18. Write a dialogue.

"what's your problem!?" Lisa asked accusingly.
"Nothing, Im fine.... what YOUR problem!?" Richard retorted with a glaring reaction.
It was apparent that something under the surface was going on with both of them, and neither was going to give up what was truly disturbing them.
"Im sorry, Im sorry" Seth replied from the back seat of the black gleaming 4 runner doing 85mph on highway 101.
Everyone was quiet for awhile, and then this same situation repeated itself with a slight variance, further down the road.

Did I work toward my goals yesterday? I believe I did, the goal was to relax, enjoy life, and better myself and the family.
What bad habits do I need to stop? I need to stop eating at night and vaping everywhere I go.
What motivated me yesterday? Well, in the evening it was total frustration and suffering that motivated me to communicate with Lisa.
Have I been the kind of person I want to be? Not always, but overall, somewhat. It would be nice if it were more often and concentrated.
What mistakes did I make yesterday, and what can I learn from them? I got disappointed, then frustrated and then felt trapped. I learned that its not just me and our reaction to small trivial things and be much improved and stave off big blow ups.
Am I holding on to something I need to let go of? Yes. I need to let go of the idea that I can run my own program in a minimal way.
What matters most in my life? Quiet time alone I guess, its what I seem to really crave lately.
Have I done anything lately worth remembering? Trips to the beach, and ….. moving to Santa Barbara bounty.
Did I made someone smile yesterday? Rachael, I think I made her smile when she came over to help with our lease.
When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone? Moving to Santa Barbara is the last I can remember.
What do I need to change about myself? Tolerance, and my reactions to others who may be a little frustrated.
What do I want most in life? Time alone with my thoughts in a quiet relaxed place.
What is life calling of me? ___
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