9:49 AM Sunday, October 25, 2020 (PDT) Time in Buellton, CA

Key of Resolution : Uninhibited Revelry


I pray that I may strive to overcome my selfishness. I pray that I may achieve the right perspective of my position in the world.

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I am largely at peace I hear the fan in Seths bathroom. I see the sun peaking out from behind the fog and through the office blinds. I am rested. I pretend to be things I am not. I feel good about most everything. I touch the cold coffee to my warm lips. I worry about Seth's grades, Lisas work, my own work and so many other things. I am trying to stay in the moment usually, as not to worry about things that aren't even happening. I understand the sun may not rise tomorrow. Though I count on it. I dream of a better financial situation, though, I am very grateful for the situation I am in. I try to be better. I am trying.

Today I will be Enjoying a Sunday. Lisa will be working tonight, but otherwise its a day off, perhaps spent locally and relaxing. Yesterday I was up early, had a wonderful morning meditation. Then Lisa and I went to the tea garden in Los Olivos - bought some small things and then took Refugio road to the top of the mountain. We then drove along the ridge hoping to connect to Highway 154 but a fellow traveler passed us and let us know that a boulder was blocking the road ahead. We went back, and headed down on the coastal side. We went into Santa Barbara and browsed some shops on upper State Street. We went to the "Paradise Book Store", the art supply store and "Punch" where Lisa found a Pea Coat she really liked, she didn't but it, it was a little big for her. We then went out onto the pier and had a wonderful dinner. I think our server was high on cocaine, it was humous to say the least - I Lisa laughed so hard and was trying not to make a sound, I thought her face might burst. When we got home, Seth was gone. He was hanging out with Troy and had the bacon wrapped burrito then went over to the Morehouses to play games. When he got home we all watched "Fortitude" together until about midnight and then went to bed. Relaxing and meditation is going well and my ability to me tolerant of very very minor things, not even bad things could use some attention. The most memorable thing about yesterday was likely the drive along the top of the mountains. We were both in great spirits, and it was really very scenic and relaxing. It was lush, green, and also weathered. Huge mountain peaks looking over the vast ocean expanse. Reallly tremendous views. I've been thinking allot about the differece between our lives in the desert and our lives here. It really is a big difference.

Something I could do for Lisa is to give her a peaceful day to sleep, relax and be ready for work tonight. Its her first overnight shift at her new job.
Something nice Seth would appreciate is the house to himself to a day or two.
Something Jeanne would appreciate is us reading the book with her, maybe scheduling that so it happens consistently.
and something Rachael would like is just some time together.

I am grateful for this mornings quiet, uninhibited, timeless meditation.
I am grateful for food in the fridge and a warm router.
I am grateful for our therapeutic fury little family members.

25. What is something that you need to stay away from?

Alcohol, drugs, and unprincipled things of this nature.

Did I work toward my goals yesterday?

What bad habits do I need to stop?
Vape, eating at night, eating too much. Going to bed late.

What motivated me yesterday?
Love. Love for Lisa and love for this area.

Have I been the kind of person I want to be?
Mostly, I want more, better, and Im trying.

What mistakes did I make yesterday, and what can I learn from them?
I don't know. I want to take a shower and start today!

Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
Nah, methinks not. I will start some column work though, just to keep my house clean.

What matters most in my life?

Have I done anything lately worth remembering?
That drive yesterday was pretty memorable.

Did I made someone smile yesterday?
Lisa. Cant place and exact moment - oh, when she asked me to stop so she could walk along a little bridged embankment, along the dirt road of Refugio, I think she smiled at that.

When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
Whats with all the questions today!? Who the hell picked these??

What do I need to change about myself?
Everything, and nothing.

What do I want most in life?
Sobriety, emotional, financial, spiritual, and physical sobriety.

What is life calling of me?
Shower, and a nice Sunday relaxing!! Lets go already!!

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