9:51 AM Wednesday, October 28, 2020 (PDT) Time in Buellton, CA

Key of Resolution - Rise To All Life

IT’S RARELY A LACK OF TALENT. IT’S OFTEN A LACK OF FOCUS.

I pray that I may not ask to see the distant scene. I pray that one step may be enough for me.


  • How to take a vacation without leaving your own home - Link.
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I am busy, but nothings getting done. I hear my computer tower humming. I see the finally fixed red hue lights gleaming from behind the monitors. I am still a little cold. I pretend too much, to often. I feel ok I guess, I think I sound like I am complaining a lot. I touch the warm keys with my cold fingers. I worry that Lisa will me in a bad mood when she wakes up. I am going to try to redo my day with a morning meditation. I shouldn't pass that up. I understand things will get done, and things will happen, as they always do. I dream of a day in Santa Barbara, maybe even overnight somehow. I try to stay focused. I am going to go do that meditation.

Today I will be Working in the office. The internet was down this and I bypassed my morning meditation to troubleshoot it and get it fixed before Seth got up for school. Then I dove straight into work. I've got to help Beverly and Owen move this afternoon at 3:30pm, and to be honest I am not really looking forward to it. Its Wednesday, so the noon meeting isn't going to happen, that meeting is a joke. Its cold. My finger are cold. Yesterday I was Working in the office here with Seth, today he opted to work in his room, probably because last night I was talking about how difficult it could be for anyone to be spending long hours in such close quarters. After work yesterday, I took a nap, I think... then we went over to Jeanne's had a very nice dinner and read from the book, "Don't Get Me Started" after that we went into Solvang and Lisa bought us some fun hats and ice cream, it was a good day and I went to bed early. Lisa and Seth went for a walk and really enjoyed it and stayed up watching TV. Family seemingly is going well and my level of income could use some attention. The most memorable thing about yesterday was being over at Jeanne's I suppose, it was really nice and she really seemed to enjoy the company and reading the book is always meaningful for her. I've been thinking allot about coffee and how I missed it this morning, I mean I had some but not with the morning, not with the meditation - perhaps I will try again.

Something I could do for Lisa is Let her sleep and be kind and patient with her when she wakes up.
Something nice Seth would appreciate is Lunch.
Something Jeanne would appreciate is More reading of the book.
and something Rachael would like is Some time together.

I am grateful for The food and the warmpth.
I am grateful for being in this area.
I am grateful for friends who are my family and family who are my friends.


28. “It still makes me mad when I think about…”<

Edgar. Its unbelievable, because I have done a ton of praying, a ton of column work, a ton of talking and acceptance and the thought of him makes me want to jump out of my skin still. I think I know what I need to do.


Did I work toward my goals yesterday?
Yes, I did my best. Im glad I got to bed early too. It made waking up this morning easier, I could feel the difference.

What bad habits do I need to stop?
Vaping, Moodiness, Eating ICE CREAM AT NIGHT.

What motivated me yesterday?
Work, wanting to be productive and get some checks rolling in.

Have I been the kind of person I want to be?
Not really, no, I have been uptight.

What mistakes did I make yesterday, and what can I learn from them?
Eating so much chili for lunch was perhaps a mistake... it didn't really agree with me.

Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
Edgar. I guess, but overall nope, Im not burning with resentment.

What matters most in my life?
Security, sobriety and and it is nice to affirm it daily.

Have I done anything lately worth remembering?
I guess the big move here is still the most memorable thing in recent personal history.

Did I made someone smile yesterday?
... I don't think I did. That's disappointing.

When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
Its been too long, I should call Tom Neisson.

What do I need to change about myself?
My recent uptight attitude sucks, so, lets go meditate in the sun now that the Wi-Fi is working!

What do I want most in life?
to love and be loved, in a sane, sober manner.

What is life calling of me?
Warmth. Im cold. Too cold perhaps.

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